


we were so beautiful, you know

by kingdra (aroceu)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Community: kpop_prompts, M/M, POV Second Person, Paranoia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-18
Updated: 2011-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 21:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroceu/pseuds/kingdra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fear strikes you in the chest and there is nothing you can do</p>
            </blockquote>





	we were so beautiful, you know

**Author's Note:**

> kpop_prompts @ lj, "december"

It is December.

The wind is tumbling in the breeze, steady, unrelenting. You fix your gaze on the building across the street.

Next to you, he is standing there, black hair whipping against his face. He grabs your hand and keeps it.

" _We're getting there_ ," he murmurs.

Never more have you felt so cold.

**

_The screams and shouts pierce through your brain. You can't remember what had happened, you can't see what's happening now. All there are are fires and flames, burning, bright, turning everything to charcoal and dust._

_"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!" a man's voice screams - Sungmin's voice. You turn your head around wildly and see that he's tugging on Donghae and Hyukjae's hands, unconscious._

_"WHERE IS HE?" you bellow. "WHERE IS JONGWOON?"_

_"I DON'T KNOW, IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Sungmin shrieks back at you, and his eyes are emblazoned in fury. "WE HAVE TO GET OUT, WE HAVE TO GET OUT NOW!"_

_"WE CAN'T - I CAN'T LEAVE - JONGWOON!"_

_You choke and your heart rattles in your chest, up your throat as you look among the flames for Jongwoon. But he is not there._

_And suddenly, you are not there either._

***

You move into your house together at quarter past four. Half past four, you are sitting in your new wooden backed chair, drinking a cup of tea. He is with you.

"I like this place," he muses. "It's quiet. Different."

Different. Yes. It is different.

"We could bring the rest of them in here." He chuckles. "Can you imagine? One whole boy band, no longer living in a tiny apartment, but in a house instead?"

You nod, but only slightly. The teacup trembles in your hand.

"Houses are too big for two people, anyways."

He continues gazing around, eyes sweeping over the brick fireplace, the pale green walls. He sips some tea out of his own cup. You do your best not to stare at him.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks suddenly.

You break out of your feigned trance and you send him a small smile, a smile that has been trained on your face for too long, too well.

"Nothing," you lie.

**

_The water is lurching and you watch in horror as the sinks flood out, covering the entire floor. You're frozen in place; how could this happen? How could you have fucked up? But that's all, right? Because you do nothing but fuck up, anyways._

_And you can't move because your feet are glued to the floor and it's only when Jungsu runs out, with Heechul on his wrist, screaming at you, "_ Move, Kyuhyun, move! We have to leave, now! _"_

_"But I - But I can't," you manage out, and your eyes dart to the door near you, where the basement is, where Jongwoon is. "This house - This place is going to get flooded, and - "_

_"It doesn't matter! Do you want to get killed?"_

_Your mouth barely opens and your tongue barely has a_ Yes _when suddenly the ground disappears beneath your feet. And then you see nothing but darkness, and the rushing of water covering your ears, covering your breathing, covering Jongwoon's breathing -_

**

Later he goes over to the phone in the sitting room and picks it up, brightly chattering through the microphone, to the other end. You watch with some fascination, some trepidation. You watch the way his glorious pink lips move and flutter about, with the artistry of a single violin. You can't think of anything more wonderful in the world.

You must have moved, because suddenly you're standing right in front of him, and he's looking at you with something strange in his gaze, eyes shining.

"What is it, Kyuhyun?" he asks, and you can't help but shiver in the delight at the sound of your name on his lips.

"Nothing," you say again, and then lean down to press a chaste kiss on his lips. "I was just thinking."

"Thinking about me?" he teases, although he knows it's true because too many times have you confessed to have been thinking about him.

You nod, but the nod is not a gesture of admittance - but rather, defeat.

He smiles at you and it's a smile that reaches his mouth, that reaches his eyes.

"Come," he says, and guides you upstairs. "We should check out our bedroom, anyways."

**

_It's dark, and you can't see anything. But the noise is unmistakable, loud downstairs. You feel to the side and see that the rest of the bed is empty._

_"Jongwoon?" you say, frightened._

_You hear a crash downstairs; your heart nearly leaps out of your mouth. You sit on the bed for a few frozen moments until you hear his voice say, "Well go on! Attack me!"_

_The next shout makes you jump out of your skin and you get off the bed and throw the door open and run out of the room, run down the hall, run into the kitchen where you see him and a man with a bloodied knife. The man is coming onto him - and you can't see his body but you know he's there, and you want nothing more than to save him and you _can't_ and you try to yell but nothing comes out of your closed mouth and suddenly the man goes down on him, he goes down - _

When it is all over, the man suddenly disappears and you run around to where Jongwoon had been. But nothing is there. There is not a body, not a trace of life, nothing there. Your chest feels empty.

"You couldn't stop it," says Siwon suddenly, walking in from the back corridor. "You couldn't save him..."

**

It's two weeks later until everyone else comes, and they all congratulate you both on getting a house together, even though you are all so old already. You can see the wrinkles in the smile Jungsu gives you, the hardness of Sungmin's handshake - you shake back and nod, and wonder what they're all up to.

"We've been busy," he speaks for you, and you nod in agreement. Yes, you have been busy - busy unpacking and fucking and cleaning and fucking and painting and fucking and talking and fucking and going to work. (You want to feel his body hard against you, again and again until you can believe that it's real, and that it will never go away.)

Donghae chuckles and you like the sound it has. "I can imagine," he says. "Well? Shall we go in?"

The others all murmur in agreement and you and he lead them inside.

"That's the parlor," he says, indicating the room on the left.

"And the study," you add, pointing at the room on the right.

"Wow, Kyuhyun," says Ryeowook, clapping a hand on your shoulder. "I didn't take you the type to like big houses. Didn't you say that you always liked smaller spaces?"

"I did," you say truthfully, and Jongwoon sends you an odd look. But you shake your head. That is not his concern. Not now.

A chill runs through your body and you try to ignore it as you say, "Come on, let's go to the dining room..."

**

_The smell of smoke and putrid gas fill your nose, but you know nothing is burning. Something is wrong, utterly wrong, and you have no idea what it is._

_"Kyuhyun!" roars Youngwoon's voice, and you turn to see that Youngwoon is staring at you, more scared than ever. That can't be right, you think. Youngwoon is never scared._

_"What the hell do you think you're doing?" says Youngwoon. "We have to go!_ NOW _!"_

_But something is pulling you toward the wreck and the rubble, and you point to it, almost feebly._

_"I... I can't... He's..."_

_You're crying and tears are dripping down your face and Youngwoon's expression softens - but for only a moment before he says firmly, "Come on, Kyuhyun, we have to leave, or else the nuclear fumes will permanently damage your body."_

_"But we can't leave!" you say. "We can't! Jongwoon, he's - he's still there, we can't just leave him - "_

_"Come on," Youngwoon tries to say soothingly, but there's a definite hardness in his voice._

_"_ YOU CAN'T _!" you scream. "YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM THERE TO DIE - HE'S STILL THERE,_ I KNOW HE IS _, WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!"_

_"He's probably already dead," and Youngwoon's voice cracks, "but there's nothing we can do about it. Come on, Kyuhyun."_

_"WE CAN'T!" you scream. "WE CAN'T, HE'S - HE CAN'T BE DEAD!"_

_But your words disappear and so does everything else, as you're consumed into the darkness once more._

**

At night, the two of you celebrate by drinking. The others would be here, you both know - but you'd prefer it to be just the two of you. He frowns a little when you tell him this, but you give him your all-too perfect smile and he is wooed.

"To us," he says, bringing his wine glass up in the air.

"To us," you echo, and clang your own cup against his.

You both drink deeply and swallow, as the alcohol burns down your throat.

"I think," he says with a slight chuckle as he looks around and rubs his chin thoughtfully, "that we can definitely make a home out of this place."

"Yeah," you say, and your voice goes up a few octaves. "Definitely."

"You know." He gestures around. "Probably get more furniture in here. Maybe adopt a few kids."

You almost choke on your second cup of alcohol. "Kids?" you say incredulously.

He shoots you a look. "Well it's only an idea."

"I don't think it was a very good one, hyung," you chuckle, and drink from your glass again. You want nothing more than to be intoxicated, to be void of emotion and thought. To be void of ideas. Of fear.

"Hey," he says, and he comes close to you, his hands resting on your thighs. "We don't have to have anyone else if you don't want to. It can just be you and me."

You nod. "It _is_ only you and me," you agree.

He tilts his head to the side, observing you. You don't know if you are more drunk, or if he is.

"Is that what you want, Kyuhyun?" he asks.

You press your lips against his and hope that he can feel the truthfulness in your words. "It is," you say, and he responds with a smile.

**

_The plane that is heading to China, where Zhou Mi lives, suddenly lurches. A flurry of events happen, but all you can remember is that he's not here with you, that he had been in the bathroom, and as everything is tumbling, tumbling down, you want nothing more than to see him again._

_"Jongwoon!" you yell in the chaos and confusion, hoping that he can hear you. "Jongwoon! Jongwoon!"_

_A flight attendant comes over to you; you see that he is Hankyung. "Please, Kyuhyun," he says to you. "Please calm down."_

_"But - Jongwoon!" You try to look over Hankyung's shoulder, but all you see are Kibum and Shindong, Kibum trying to pull Shindong back into his seat so that they can listen to the flight attendants. But you don't care. You just want to see Jongwoon._ You just want to see Jongwoon. __

_"Please," you beg Hankyung, choking a sob, and the plane lurches again - it's suddenly falling faster and faster, and Hankyung is just standing there, watching you. All the other passengers are watching you. "Please, you don't understand - Jongwoon, he's not here with me - he can - "_

_"There's nothing you can do," Hankyung says in a quiet voice, almost like a ghost. You hear a shout and a crash and then the entire front lodge of the plane is in flames, the entire front lodge is ruined. Where Jongwoon had gone. Where Jongwoon had been._

_"_ Please _," you say, but there is no response and you drown in the remainders of the ocean._

**

It's three years later and you still have the visions at night, the dreams that you wish will just go away. You look up when he walks into your shared room; there is lust in his eyes.

"Kyuhyun," he says in an all too hoarse voice, and you know what that means.

You put your book to the side and allow him to kiss you. You allow him to taste you, to fuck you, to do whatever he wants. He caves into submission and you realize that this isn't just about him: this is about you, as well.

You let the lust overtake you as you kiss and bite and growl, and he moans, sending the sensation all over your body. You bring your hand down to his sex and you squeeze and slide, and he shouts euphoria and then it is all over.

And then you know what you have to do.

You silently bring your hand over to his face and cup it, gently, with your stained fingers. He leans in for the kiss, and he closes his eyes, even when you keep yours open. You do not do any more as your mouths come together, forming one, and then your other hand grasps his chin. He leans in more, even further - and then your fingers slide to his throat, and you tighten.

"I'm sorry," you murmur against his lips, and your fingers wrap around his collarbone, and they keep going. He lets out a small, strained laugh in your mouth - perhaps he thinks you are just playing - but when you do not stop, he seems to struggle, seems to try to writhe out of your grasp. For a moment you are tempted to let him go, but your body does the rest of the work for you. A few moments later, he is still.

You do not finish. Both of your slender hands come around his neck, continuing to tighten, until all forms of air are closed, and his neck nearly snaps in your hold. And then you withdraw, and look at him.

"I'm sorry," you repeat, and press a kiss to his cold lips. And then you walk away.

**

_You stand in front of the house, gazing across the street, at the snow gently falling down on the roof. It is almost mocking._

_You are no longer haunted by the dreams, but by the memories. By the way he used to be, the way he used to be warm, the way he used to look at you with no fear in the world. The way he used to be with you, the way he used to hiss when you bit too hard or moan when you kissed too softly, or the way he would say your name like he had no other care in the world. Like he had no other love in the world._

_The wind tumbles in the breeze, wild, somber. It is December._


End file.
